I’m probably the most innately insecure person you would ever meet your life, dear readers. I know who I am, per se, but I don’t know where I belong, who I belong with, and what I have to offer this world or the people important to me. Why do the people I love love me back?
It must be for these reasons:
–I’m an incessant whiner and complainer.
–I’m always hard on my self and never see the value or influence I have on anyone.
–I’m an insatiable hermit.
–I’m an arguer. I need the mental exercise of a good fight almost every day.
–I’m meager, timid, and shy away from anything new.
How can I be aware of these things and not work on them? Do I really anticipate that someday someone will just embrace these qualities of mine? I have people in my life who value me immensely. Why can’t I see that for what it’s worth? Why do I always doubt it?
Why am I in the prime of my youth, and not enjoying or appreciating even a moment of it. Why do I waste my days away doing absolutely nothing. How does one even do absolutely nothing? I don’t even partake in the things I enjoy anymore. I haven’t played a video game in months. Read a book since my English course earlier this spring. I haven’t drawn in almost 3 years. About the only thing I’ve done recently that I like is to write. Well, type, in this instance.
Who do I have to talk to? To relate to? I live alone in this city. Just me and my cats. Yes, I’m already one of those people.
I am 20 years old. I am an intelligent person. Why am I allowing myself to go through this?