I was at work the other day, and I was talking to my boss about you. She’s such a great person. Very bubbly, ditzy, and easy to talk to–much like myself!
She listened to me, understood me, and was compassionate. She told me that she thinks you struggle with how comfortable I am with myself (even though I never feel it) when you’re not that comfortable with yourself (even though you never show it).
I think she could be right. You abandoned me to my loneliness and started trying to fill your void only two weeks later. What were you trying to find?
She said something else to me of interest as well. She told me that she would almost feel like you were ashamed or embarassed of her, if she were in my position. And that’s exactly how I felt.
You didn’t let me meet your family, or your friends. You only invited me over once, when everyone was gone for the week. I felt incredibly insecure. Then you tell me that I’m weird to be around in public? I didn’t know who I was with you in public. Was I your love? Was I your friendship? Was I neither? I didn’t know how to act around you in public. Of course I was awkward.
Every day–every single day–I have people tell me how beautiful I am inside and out, how my smile lights up the world and I never run out of things to talk about. How I am kind and considerate and always trying to make others happy. How I am such a blast to be around, and how I can relate and listen and confide in people under any circumstance.
How did you take that away from me? How did I find myself in a place where I didn’t know how to reach you with these qualities of mine?
Were you good for me? Are you still good for me? Will we ever be good for eachother? Will we ever be together again?
These are questions I just keep needing to find answers to. I can’t believe you won’t do me the courtesy of answering my sadness. Especially after all the sadness you’ve caused me.