Chapter anew.

I still think about you a lot.  Maybe no more than usual.  Certainly no less.

It’s different though, lately.  My thoughts are unclear.  Uncoordinated.  I don’t really know where to place my feelings or what to make of them.  I’m hesitant to really continue feeling anything at all.  We’ve been apart for so long now.  I haven’t seen you for so long.  Everything feels like a blurry dream.  I feel so much like you never even existed.

Every day we grow further and further apart.  My heart is still in this for you, but I can’t feel yours anymore.  I don’t feel any remnants of a connection with you.  I’m not idealizing your thoughts or rationalizing your actions.  You are missing.

I know that I miss you.  I know that I want to find some part of you in this world again.  But…

I fear that the innocence we shared will never return, even if someday you do.  I can’t continue to allow myself to wait for something that has faded into memory.  You have forgotten me, as time has told me, and now I choose to pursue the same path.

I will forget you too someday.  I’ve learned too much about myself from you and what it means to truly love someone to ever forget entirely, but it’s time to let our brief chapter together in this life finally turn it’s last page.

“When people walk away from you, let them go.  Your destiny is never tied to someone who leaves you.  And it doesn’t make them bad people, it just means that their part in your story is over.”

I really do love you.  I love you for everything that you are, with everything that I know.  And I hope that someday when the tears come to find you, you remember that you turned your back on me.  Even long after you left, I never turned my back on you.

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2 thoughts on “Chapter anew.

    1. thebluewigglytuff Post author

      Hi, thank you! I’m still kind of a roller coaster, but I do find myself a little more comfortable with everything that’s happened, all in all. I guess that’s where it all starts!

      Reply

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