Thursday, July 26th

I love you somethin’ fierce.

I never really realized it when I should have, but I do.

Despite every grief you’ve given me, I still feel I’m the one who let you down.  Were you hurting?  Were you scared?
It’s okay to tell me these things.  You told me you valued honesty in our relationship, so you should have been honest with me, goof!
It makes it hard, because I don’t know where your head is at.  I don’t know if you really don’t think I’m the one for you, or if you’re just too scared of love right now, or if you just don’t want to be with me when you can’t be there for me.

Nonetheless, I really do still feel the need to reach out to you.  I want to be everything for you.  I want to find something so much more in myself so I can be the most confident and stable person in your life, which I believe in earnest is something that you need.
I don’t want to wait for you to be ready for me.  I want to take your hand and show you everything you’ve yet to know, because there is a lot.  I am inexperienced and young and without direction, and in conventional ways I have a lot to learn from you too, but I am secure in who I am and where I stand.  I need to show you how beautiful people in your life can be when they are genuine and care so deeply for you that whatever it is that makes you you couldn’t matter in the slightest, as long as it’s you they get to love.  That is what love is.  That is what friendship is.  That is what I am.

I am your number one fan.  I am your ally.  I am your confidant.  I am your everything.  I want you to rely on me and I want you to depend on me.  I want everything I found in you to be the same experience for you, because it’s so beautiful when two people share.  I want you to know what I know.  I want us to know eachother.

I have this one life to live, and I want us to have a real go at it.  I want us to be real and have a certainty within ourselves we didn’t have before.

I know that you do not know bliss with me.  In reality, I don’t know it with you either.  But we never gave eachother a chance.  And a chance is all it really takes to find every answer we need.  Share your world with me and we can grow into people so much stronger than we’ve ever known.

Give me a reason to want to be your friend in spite of everything if we don’t work out.

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