Tuesday, July 24th

I love him.  I love him more than I could have ever even realized while I was still with him.  And why?  He didn’t let me.

I am so intoxicated with him.  I wanted to know everything about him, and experience everything with him.  I wanted, and still want, so desperately, to be a part of him in every way.

He never let me…  He never let me be a part of his social circle; meet his family and friends.  He never let me see things with him, or even through him.  He was distant, and ruthless in keeping me a separate variable in his life.  I just wanted to be his everything the way he had become mine.  I just wanted to know that I was worth being someone important to him infront of the side of his life he kept from me.

I didn’t know I could ever fall so fleetingly for someone.  I didn’t know that I’d come into a place where I never anticipated him ever not being in my life, and I’m so sad now.

I don’t know why I am not what he needs.  I don’t know what I did.  I don’t know why I am not the person he needs in his life anymore.
I really wanted everything for him, and for us.  I just wanted us to be real and be in love, surrounded by the people that loved us.  I just wanted to be acknowledged.  All I’ve ever wanted is to just be acknowledged…

How do I move past this?  How do I live my life knowing that this man has chosen to live his next to someone else?  How can I bear this any longer?

——————————————

How do I ever kiss another man, and see his naked body, and accept his warmth and intimacy, when I will never relent the memories of you…
Why do I love you so endlessly?

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