I find myself in a state of constant wonder and fear. I wonder what my future looks like. I wonder what kind of people are kept within that future. I wonder if there will be another somebody who will hold my heart. I fear that there won’t be.
I wonder though, should I ever find myself facing someone I would potentially develop feelings with, I wonder if I will ever feel the same innocence as I did with my first relationship. I wonder if first kisses, and first touches, will be as memorable and as comfortably uncomfortable. I wonder if new flames will share that same vulnerable, beautiful light as the first.
What if it doesn’t? Will it mean he’s just not the one? Or will it simply mean that innocence is inconceivable in the eyes of those who have been broken?
I just want to feel whole again. I want to be naive to the reality of cruel intentions. Selfish intentions. I want to know that there’s a person out there who holds a part of me that I have lost. I want to know that there is still a place in this world where innocence is attainable.