Shii~nspiration

–Inspiration by Shii.  Silly, but this is something that has always touched me since I’d first heard it.

The form in which I’d heard this song was through a video posted within albinoblacksheep ages ago.  It was called “Shii’s Song”.  Though I believe the song itself is called Wind’s Nocturne and was first heard on a Playstation game called Lunar: Silver Star Song.

Either way, the song has always seemed very fitting.  I’ve always felt like the song was in fact my song!  Take a listen?–

I don’t know.  I always feel as though I am waiting.  I am waiting for some spectacle.  Some skipped heartbeat.  Some star.  I always dream for when it will come, and what it will look like.  I feel foolish that I am so consumed by this waiting.  What is it that I’m waiting for?

What if whatever it is that I am waiting for isn’t even coming?  What if it isn’t real?  Will my dreams fade to nothing?  When my life ebbs the way it has been this past year, I know that I need to keep faith for a brighter horizon.  But I fail to believe there is hope.

Is there something greater watching over me?  Is destiny real?  Is there a purpose and a path in this life that I am following, even though I cannot see it?  Am I making something of myself?  I know, I know that I should follow my heart, but at times I feel like there is such a huge part of it that is missing.  I don’t even know what my heart desires.

Where am I to find what I have lost of myself?  Will I ever be happy without knowing?  Will I ever feel purpose without knowing how to pursue my heart?

It is with these questions that my mind begs to wonder–is my star to come?  Is there some all-encompassing answer for me somewhere out there?  And in what context will I find it?  Is my star a man, a career, a friend, a passion?  Myself?  I so desperately want to know what I am missing out on.

The question marks in my life are tiresome.  And they are tireless.  I need to know why I have been so broken for so long.  Why is this song something that would make sense to someone who were only a child when they first heard it?

Nonetheless, I am inspired.  I want to know that–even though I’ve yet to find my star–I am still searching for it.  Perhaps it is time to begin that search.

Shii-chan~<3

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