“My love, my lobster”

I remember when I first met you.  We were in the 8th grade, and there was just something about you that took me by storm.  Very few people penetrate the boundaries I place myself within, but you were destined to be of that few.

I don’t know what it was.  The notion that you looked liked Amanda Bynes, the way you walked and stood pigeon-toed, the faint remains of purple dye in your hair that was craftily done up and held in place with two pencils–you were just interesting to me in every way!

At the time when we first met, I still was unsure about where my interests sat in regards to sexual preferences.  I remember thinking to myself that maybe you could be someone I would fall in love with, and to be honest with you, I do really think that under different circumstances, that could have been viable!  I am sorry that life chose a different path for me.

What I inevitably lacked in physical interest was more than made up for in emotional interest, however.  For as long as I’ve known you, I have been emotionally and mentally invested in you.  I think about you constantly, I think about things I’d rather be doing with you than doing alone, and for every boyfriend you’ve had (or rekindled romance with Paul!!) I’ve been resiliently bitter and jealous, sometimes to the point of abusing your trust in our friendship and turning my back on you…  I was so stupid sometimes.

Over the years, I’ve really learned to open up to you and your family more than all other people.  I’ve come to fall in love with you in my own way, and appreciate my place within your world and treasure your place within mine.  Some of the only good in my life that I know how to value right now are memories with you.  Train track walks, river valley treks, hours upon hours of phone calls and video games, talking way past our bed times (not that either of us have really ever abided by a formal “bed time”), and just spending every moment with you and feeling as though it were an adventure.  Yes, even the moments where we can’t decide what to do and settle for junk food and Cosmo!

And today?  I miss you.  A lot lately I have missed you.  I understand that we are older know, and you have found a more appropriate person to invest the kind of love you had for me in, but I sense that we have grown apart in the long run.

Perhaps it is my fault.  I am very sad in my life right now, and am not very confident in my ability to remain interesting to people.  I have been reluctant to reach out to you.  I know ultimately it’s not really anyone’s fault though… our lives are just turning two different chapters in this book of friendship.  I hope we find ourselves on the same page again soon.

I can’t express to you enough that you will always be my very best friend, and no matter where life and time takes us, for you I will always be here waiting.  Our friendship has seen many ups and downs over the years, and because of that I know that I can always depend on it to stand rock solid.

You’re my rock, hun.  And I’ll always be your lobster.


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