Tag Archives: 2NE1

Note to self:

I wasn’t aware it’s been over a year now since I’ve posted anything here. I haven’t felt inspired to write for quite some time.  And even though things have been hard for me, instead I’d like to write about someone else’s struggle.  I’m sure I will never truly know why things happened the way they did, but on some level I am deeply sympathetic to Park Bom, and 2NE1’s disbandment makes perfect sense to me.

News of Bom’s “drug scandal” (not what I’d call it, but what I think doesn’t matter in context) changed things forever for 2NE1. The criticism from people was unreal, and given the drug she had brought into the country was an anti-depressant, it’s obvious she was already in a vulnerable state of mind.  The group was put on hiatus, and eventually Minzy left the group entirely to pursue her own interests.  To think of what it felt like for Bom at this time is much like taking a look at my own life.  How could she not blame herself for this?  The whole world was looking for someone to accept responsibility, and well-intentioned or not, the things people were saying were destructive.  Destructive to her and her heart.

I know this because I’ve been there. Every day I combat my own feelings of my mistakes and my shortcomings, and I’m sure Bom does too.  But other people’s opinions weigh heavily on our minds, and even things that are said in support of us will sometimes have just the opposite effect.

It doesn’t have to be anyone’s fault that 2NE1 broke up. Maybe it was CL’s fault, and YG’s too. Their favoring her marketing and solo debut detracted too much from everyone else and made disbandment the easiest option.  Maybe it was Minzy’s fault.  Being impatient and unsupportive and wanting to distance herself.  Or maybe it’s our faults; Blackjacks and society in general.  Maybe life happened, and 2NE1 suddenly found themselves at different places emotionally.  Can we blame CL for having incredible potential?  Can we blame YG for helping her and focusing on her while the group is on hiatus?  Can we blame Minzy for being driven and not wanting to waste another moment she could be using to invest in herself and her future?  We can, but all the while Bom is listening and her heart is hurting, because at the root of all the blame is someone who feels there is no one to blame but herself.

YG has stated Bom was 2NE1’s undoing, and on the surface perhaps this is true. But maybe instead of blaming her or anyone else involved, we should just be accepting.  Accepting of 3 young women (shout out to Dara!) who are ready to face the world and make themselves proud.  And accepting of another young woman who has faced more criticism than anyone ever should, and recognize that her flaws are our own.  Does anyone know how this makes her feel?

We all make mistakes. We all feel inadequate.  We all feel flawed.

We are all Park Bom.

The things that make me happy.

Last night was not a good night.  Of the 26 ounces of cherry vodka in my cupboard, I drank about 18-20 of them.  In about an hour’s time.  And that just wasn’t a smart thing to do, especially for someone so new to drinking.  Apart from my killer headache and my feeling like puking all day, I’m feeling a lot better tonight.

Hah.  No I’m not.

So, tonight I remember the things that make me happy–the things I need to rediscover in my life.

I’d like to start off by saying I’m presently nourishing my lonliness with eggnog and cheesecake.  These are things I love!  But boy are they making me feel repulsive.

If I’d only had more time to myself tonight, next on my to-do list would be to push my couches together in front of the tv.  The “boat”, we would call it when we were little.  I would get my kittens settled in the boat, and I would turn on some Harvest Moon.  A Wonderful Life is my absolute favourite, and I’ve been meaning to replay it, or at least finish the file I started some 6, 7, 8 years ago.  But I also love my Animal Parade!!

Why I love Harvest Moon:

There is always happy music playing.  Always.  And I can marry the cutest guy and have him say sweet nothings to me every morning, even though it gets a little redundant.  But hey, redundancy is bliss!  Oh, and I get to whistle along to all the pretty melodies as I love and care for my children, crops, and animals.  Who needs Zoloft when you have Harvest Moon!

After logging a few hours on Harvest Moon, I would then proceed to putting in my favourite movie or watching something on Netflix as I doodle or colour or something.  I love the quiet evenings in, colouring by lamp light!  So much pleasure is to be had!

Why I love drawing/colouring:

I’m very much into observing the progression of things.  I love to see what old people looked like when they were young.  I love to anticipate what young people will look like when they are old.  I like to reflect on how dirty my apartment was before cleaning it.  I like to close my book at random intervals and see how far along my bookmark has moved.  I like to watch my piece of paper flourish in lines and colours.  Progression makes me happy.

Next on the list, I would turn on some 2NE1 and break out into random dance at my favourite songs whilst preparing for bed.  I am the Best, Follow Me, I Love You–any and all of them!

Why I love dancing:

Believe it or not, it is not an artistic expression, (all my artisitic capabilities are invested in my drawing–a.k.a. holy mother I’m a bad dancer) but rather a form of… exercise?  I love the look and feel of my fatigued muscles.  I feel great about myself after dancing around to awesome music.

And alas, I finally curl up in the boat with my kittens and fall asleep to Sailor Moon.  Maybe my girls will be so tuckered out themselves at this point that they’ll actually let me snuggle them against my chest.

Why I love Sailor Moon:

This show is so endlessly uplifting.  It always reminds me what it means to be a good person–and a strong person–no matter what the circumstances are.  It makes me remember my past (nostalgia!!) and it makes me feel better about my present.  Heck, maybe it even makes me hope for my future.

And these are things that make me happy.  Who the hell even needs friends!