Tag Archives: poetry

By the stars (I am obliged)

Beyond the looming stain of day, afar

is where one’s body lies frozen–gilded by stars

and the wisps of cold that tease down thy breasts,

cooing bursts of dew from within lost breath.


I speak for the one, but should you query

whom, your insistence does leave me quite leery.

‘Speak for the one who knows not what to say,

and regards boundless confinement as the only such way.


By the stars soaked through one’s cloth,

I am obliged to shed light on flesh; a moth’s

flame to guide the forgotten back from wence

it came–no measure, no morsel of penance.


Starved of immortality and weak under

wings of war, I too feel my flesh torn asunder

by the seeds of humanity that grow about

my oneness; the stars bearing life I am without.


Perhaps I am the one; the gilded expanse,

a folly of the stars in line with the romance

of tranquility and dawn.  The irony of a dawn

that is broken but will not break.  Where has it gone?

Traitor.

You, caught up in my despair.

Your fault.

Your feelings by which you swear.

Your fault.

 

Sex and virtue.

Love and trust.

Sin and sinner,

lust, lust.

 

My heart akin to no known reason–

Erase the doubt, erase the treason.

 

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Me.  I’m the traitor.  I’m sweeping you under the rug.  I seek to let your feelings die.  Despite all my pain, I now choose to leave you in the dark. 

It is safer there.  You cannot see me there.

I am sorry that I have kept you steadfast for so long.  I am sorry that I will never answer your feelings.  I am sorry that I never could answer my own.

Friday, August 24th

The more I think about you, when you are not around, I get distressed and worried ‘cause my heart now makes a sound.

I told you that I loved you, and at once that meant I’m scared.  But these days it bears a truth that I know we always shared.

I want to be my very best, both for you and even me.  I want to spend forever just dying to make you see.

I love you doesn’t cut it in this heart, this mind, this soul.  The kind of passion I feel for you?  Unrivalled, bears no toll.

I want to spend my days with you, doing all I can, to make you see I need you and know you are my man.

See swimming, food, the gym, they do not frighten me.  They are not moral challenges, but chances, with you I’d be.

I want to rest with windows open and be patient while you sleep.  I want to watch you in your dreams and not worry ‘bout what you keep.

I want to be your everything, right down to every minute.  I want to see you smile and know that I’m the one who did it.

I want to lay in bed with you and forever kiss goodnight.  Tell you that I love you, if it will ever make it right.

There’s a life we haven’t lived together, we haven’t had a chance.  The stars at night, they tell me, that it should never end, this beautiful romance.

—————————————————————

xxxxx,

I can’t help but reflect on everything we’ve been through this past year.  Every memory I have of you is brilliant.  There’s no simpler way to put it, and no real way to show you how much I mean it.  You are my best friend.  I have shared everything that I am with you.  Everything you’ve done or said to me has been the most valuable moment in my life, all at once.  I can’t even begin to elaborate how much truth is in that statement.  Your friendship and your heart have been the most precious things I have ever held in my life, and I regret everyday that I’ve found myself in a place where they are not mine anymore.

You are everything that I’ve ever needed.  I still believe fate brought us together for a reason, and saying goodbye forever cannot be it.  I am not afraid anymore–of you, of my feelings, or of life.  When I think about sharing a place in your world, I can’t even imagine where such fears would come from.

We’ve both made mistakes, and this is one I am trying to right.  I can be strong enough for the both of us, I can accommodate your feelings in any way they need if you’ll just listen to your heart.  There is nothing to fear, and there will never be another regret.  I need to know if I can’t be your everything, and I know deep down you want to know that too.  Taking this chance bears no risk.  You are safe and loved with me.

Give me this chance.

With love and all that is greater.

The boy not yet a man…

The boy, he rests his hand upon

our existential window,

et je sais que ce n’est pas bon,1

si ses yeux sont des ciseaux.2

A life that mustn’t satisfy

this ageless man, he spins.

His boyish face can’t rectify

the weathered heart within.

With broken seams and mended dreams,

I face him, just, and say,

“Why do you frown just when it seems

the hardships go away?”

His heart unkempt and terrified,

the boy not quite a man,

stretches his hands, un-unified,

autour son coeur;3 Tian Shan.4

A pool of realized fears that shelve

a gaze with no reflection–

he tells me I don’t fool myself

despite my insurrection.

To stand before his realm of glass;

To face myself in vain.

The difference, you see, does not surpass

the image I did gain.

He breathed a breath serrated, and

made contact he did not.

Shed soft tears and still was jaded–

his pitied closet of rot.

1“and I know this is not good”  2“if his eyes are like scissors”  3“around his heart”  4A major mountain range of Central Asia, extends 1500ft.

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I wrote this in University September ’11.  Somehow it seems fitting.  My former self must have known I’d need this one day.

–Blue

A plethora of anniversarae.

Today I was thoughtful of you;

You ought to have thought of me too.

You’re a con and a jerk–

A real piece of work–

Yet I persist in loving so true.

————————————————————————————————————————————–

Today was just another mark on my internal calendar gone by.  One of many.  I remembered.  He likely didn’t.  Back to my Wii U.  Peace out.